CHOOSING
AN OFFICIANT
By Rev. Marcy Ann
The person you
choose to marry
you is going to
share a very
intimate,
personal, holy
moment in your
life. If you a
member of a
church, usually,
you will choose
your pastor to
marry you. But
if
you do not go to
church on a
regular basis,
or at all, then
you will
need to find a
person who is
approved by the
state in which
you are
going to be
married to
legally marry
you. This can be
a Judge,
sometimes a
Notary, a
Justice of the
Peace, a Clerk
at the
County
Courthouse, or
you can choose
someone like me
who
is a minister
but does not
have a church.
Many people have ordinations from
accredited
institutions who
never ever
wanted
to preach or
have a church. I
took my course
of study
originally
just for
personal
spiritual
enrichment. It
was about 7
years later
that I decided
to marry people.
I went to the
local county
courthouse to
see
if I was legal
to marry people,
and the Clerk
of the Court
said,
"yes."
Even though in the United States, we have separation of
Church and State, in all 50 states, the legal people to marry a bride and
groom are ministers! II find
this a curiosity. However, today, two legal churches in the United
States ordain ministers in the original spiritual way. If a man or
woman feels "the call" to be a minister, in the olden days, the congregation
of a church laid hands on them and sent them forth. Today, The
Universal Life Church in Modesto, California and Universal Ministries in
Milford, Illinois ordain in this fashion. They "lay hands" on the
prospective minister through the Internet.
A friend of mine
is the retired
Dean of the
Pepperdine
University Law
School here in
California. He
explained the
"intent of
the law" here in California to
me one day. He
said that the
couple who
are being
married actually
empower the officiant. Their
decision
to be married is
the
"intent."
It is nearly
true that a
couple could
raise
up a drunk from
the gutter, have
him say, I
pronounce you
husband and
wife,
have him sign
the marriage
certificate, and
the couple would
be married! If
it came down to
a court
disagreement,
the judge would
probably declare
that
it
was a legal
marriage!
I don't
recommend that
you find a drunk
to marry you!.
Or even your
best friend. It
is best to use
a professional-trained Officiant who
is
Ordained!
What is a PROFESSIONAL-TRAINED OFFICIANT?
Click Here!
You
can sometimes
find an Officiant in the
Yellow Pages, or
today,
the best place
to find a good
Officiant is on
the Internet.
You will want to
then set a time
to meet with the
Officiant and
see if you have
good feelings
about him or
her. You should
have an easy
conversation
together. The
Officiant should
be very
agreeable to do
whatever you
want in your
ceremony.
The Officiant
should NOT
dictate to you
what you should
or should not
do.
The Officiant is
your Servant,
and it is the
Officiant's
obligation to
fulfill all of
your wishes and
desires for your
wedding day.
It is your
decision whether
you want to have
any type of
religious
expression in
your ceremony.
In my
experience, I
find
that most
couples will
want to have some type of blessing during the ceremony. However, if
they do not want
a
prayer, or any
mention of God
or The Bible,
then I prepare a
personal
ceremony for
them that just
reflects their
special love for
one another. If
you meet with an Officiant, and
they insist on
some type of
religious
ritual, or they
condemn you in
some way for
things you
have done in the
past (already
had a child) or
are doing right
now (maybe
you are already
living
together), or
they insist on
you taking
instruction
and becoming a
member of their
church before
they can marry
you, then this
Officiant is the
wrong person to
marry you. Keep
looking. You do
not want
to do anything
on Your Wedding
Day that is
forced upon you,
or something you
are not
comfortable
with, or any act
that does not
completely
reflect who you
are and
what you
believe. You
have the right
to insist on
your personal
desires
being expressed.
There is an
Officiant
available who
will be willing
to
fulfill all of
your
hopes and
dreams.
I marry many
couples who have
mixed religious
backgrounds.
Sometimes one
person is
Jewish, and the
other person is
Presbyterian.
Sometimes one
person
is Catholic, and
the other person
has no religious
experience.
Sometimes,
one person is
Hindu, and the
other person is
Methodist. I
have married a
Vietnamese
Buddhist to a
Japanese
Christian! When
I meet with a
couple, I
ask them if they
have any
specific
religious faith,
and if they do,
what part
of their
religious faith
they would like
to include in
the ceremony.
Even if
only one person
is Jewish, I
most always
"break the
glass." If
both the
bride and groom
are Hindu, they
have their
religious
ceremony first
with just
the family, and
then I do the
legal, civil
ceremony.
Chinese couples
that I
marry have their
Tea Ceremony
first and then
the legal, civil
ceremony. I
tell my couples
that my ceremony
(which I have
written myself)
is spiritual
without
reflecting any
specific
religious faith,
but I can
tailor-make it
to
suit any belief
that they have.
The Officiant
you choose to do
your
wedding should
be just this
flexible.
When I was
preparing for my
Ordination, I
studied all of
the religions of
the
World. This
experience
provided me with
a profound
revelation - an
idea
bigger than
anything any of
the religions
had taught me.
There is a
Creator - a
Source of
Energy. And
there is a
Creation - the
results of the
Creator's Hopes
and Dreams. And
the whole
purpose of
everything is to
love
and be loved!!!
All of the
religions of the
World express
this thought. Each of the
physical
incarnations of
the spiritual
teachers of each
religion has
said for us to
love the Creator
by seeing the
Creator in all
things, to love
ourselves and to
love one
another. So it
is all pretty
simple! I don't
know how we got
it all so
complicated! Religion has
done more to
separate us from
one another, has
caused more wars
and hatred,
has brought more
division and
unhappiness than
it has brought
peace and unity
and harmony on
the earth. I
hope to live
long enough to
see everyone
Lay down their
dogmas, their
doctrines, and
their personal
"Belief
Systems" (my minister friend, David Hulse, at
www.lightwithin.com says our
personal belief system is the "BS" in our life!). Perhaps we could
begin to love
and respect one
another. I
personally have
signed a Global
Peacemaking
Treaty for Unity
and Harmony
among Religions
on
the Earth.
An Officiant who
is legal to
perform your
ceremony
actually
represents the
authority of the
state where you
are married.
I say in my
ceremony:
"by the
power that I do
have from the
State of
California, I
now declare that
you are husband
and wife."
Many Officiants
say their power
to marry is from
God. But the
Legal power is
from the State
where the couple
is married. The
power the
local State
recognizes is
the Officiant's
Ordination which
can be from a
Seminary, a
University, or a
church
organization.
Many ministers will say in The Wedding Ceremony that they
represent God.However, the legal power to marry is vested in the State.
Every Priest of The Catholic Church, every Rabbi of a local Jewish Temple
and every Christian minister must sign the marriage license and send it into
the Count Courthouse to be recorded. If they don't, even though you
have had a "sacrament" of marriage, you are not married!
Some ministers
who feel that
they are
"called by
God" do not
even
have
ordinations.
Yet these
ministers can
perform legal
ceremonies which
are recognized
by the Courts of
the State where
the couple are
married. Once
again, it is the
"intent"
of the bride
& groom who
desire to be
married that
empowers the Officiant,
whether the
Officiant has
any kind of
ordination or
not.
Also, ask the
Officiant if
they have any
rules about the
photographer,
the musicians or
the videographer.
I have heard
about Officiants
who will not let
photographers/video
take pictures
during
the ceremony. Or
the Officiant
will set up
rules about the
musicians. Let
me tell you
this: It is Your
Wedding, and you
and
only you have
the say-so about
EVERYTHING! I do
not set
any rules about
the
photographer. I
say, whatever
the bride wants.
And I have had
photographers
practically get
in my face, and
nearly push me
out of the way
in order to get
a good picture
of the bride
coming down the
aisle or the
bride and groom
having their
first kiss, but
- you know what?
I am thrilled
that the
photographer
makes such an
effort to get
that good
shot. After all,
it is those
pictures that
you will look at
for years to
come, those
pictures will
remind you of
your Wedding Day
over and over
again
each time you
look at them,
and you want the
best shot the
photographer/videographer
can get!
Most Officiants can handle your wedding rehearsal, also. If your wedding
party is more than the two of you and a best man and maid of honor, then you will
need a rehearsal. I will always run the rehearsal for the couple I marry if
they do not have a wedding coordinator.
I charge to do
rehearsals,
because for me
it is like doing
the wedding
twice, but for
you, it is worth
it to have your
Wedding Day be
less stressful
and go very
smoothly. Your
bridal
attendants will
appreciate it,
too. They
want to do a
good job for
you, and a
rehearsal shows
them exactly
what they
are suppose to
do, where and
when!
Let me say a few
things about the
fee for the
Officiant. If
you are
being married by
your pastor, a
small monetary
Gift - usually
$100 - is
adequate for
payment.
However, you
must remember
that your pastor
is being
paid a salary
plus housing and car allowance each week, which
Is paid to him
out of the
tithes and
offerings given
by you and the
other
members of the
Church. But if you
do not go to church, you need to hire an Officiant, like
me, who does not
have a Church and a professional Officiant is
"in
Business"
and has all of
the expenses of
doing business -
like
Paying for their
Internet Site, a
Webmaster and a
Server, their
Telephone, fax
machine, cell
phone, not to
mention the big
expense of
operating an
automobile.
There is office
expense,
Stationery,
stamps, personal
cards, printers,
print cartridges
and paper, and
out of the fee
for every
wedding that I
conduct, I put
$20 in an
envelope
that goes to my
"tax
account."
So, if the Officiant
charges $300
plus an extra
$100 for the
rehearsal, this
is a bargain!
I researched
Officiant Fees
on the Internet,
and it is not
unusual for the
Officiant's fee
to be
$400-$700!!! I
see couples
spend
anywhere from $3500-$10,000
just
for the dinner
afterwards for
the guests and
$200 for a
bridal bouquet
that
is thrown awaylater that day. Your Officiant is
a very vital
part of the
Wedding Day. You
must
have a Ceremony
and a Marriage
License signed
by a legal
Representative
of the State
where you are
married in order
to
be really
married! So,
whether you have
anything else or
not
In your plans
for The Wedding
Day, choosing an Officiant is a
#1 priority, and
the fee - even
if it is
$300-$700 -
should be
considered a
very small but
very necessary
part of the
overall expense
of the occasion.
Many
times, the bride
and groom are so
happy after the
wedding, and
they are so
grateful to the Officiant who
marries them,
they invite the
Officiant to
stay
for the
reception
dinner. But
unless the
Officiant is a
close friend of
the
family, I do not
suggest that you
invite them to
your reception
dinner. Usually the
Officiant
doesn't know
anyone, and
sometimes,
people feel like
they can't have
a "good
time" if
the Officiant is
sitting at their
table! Many times, the Officiant has
another wedding
they need to get
to anyway. So, even though we are honored by your invitation to attend the
reception, we will be
relieved not to
be invited to
stay.
Whether you know
the Officiant
beforehand or
not, by the
time the
Officiant
marries you, you
will feel like
you have known
one another for
all time! I
always feel a
very special
bonding with the
couples I marry.
Beverly, Dian, Jeff, David, Richard and I truly believe
that we get the
very special brides and grooms that we are
suppose to
marry, who need
our type of
ceremony, and
who have a very
special love.
Choose your
Officiant by
what you feel in
your heart, as
you will be
sharing
a very precious
time together.
Sincerely, Rev.
Marcy Ann,
Wedding
Officiant
Article in NY Times on Wedding Officiants - Link good 5/04
Also See "How To Hire a Wedding
Minister":
www.weddinghowto.com
